Defining Moments

Every guest on this podcast has relayed a story or shared an insight that has caused me to feel an internal flipping of a switch. This sudden surge of energy may result from a validation of something I’ve already felt, made stronger in the sharing. It may be a new insight with potential to help me and my students. Whatever it is, it’s always rich because I needed to hear it. Asking and listening is like a treasure hunt for the soul. I never leave the company of another keyboardist spiritually empty-handed.

That said, I really procrastinated writing this blog post. I always post my thoughts to correspond with an episode, but every time I thought about writing this one, I felt lazy to the point of feeling concern about myself. I was clearly dreading something and it took a few days of literally spacing out (internet scrabble club, Clone Wars, hot yoga) for me to suddenly realize what I was going to write about.  

See, Tyson had the courage to talk about failure. That’s a yucky topic that brings up all sorts of nasty,  closet emotions like shame and fear.  We’ve all had bad gigs, disappointments, been replaced, been fired.  It’s ugly and challenging even when the failure is completely out of our control. 

At the very beginning of my pop career, I joined a band in Michigan playing keys for the son of a major female r and b artist. (I called his house and heard her voice on the answering machine!) It was my first band and I felt I had hit the jackpot. On gig night, I wore a beautiful white blouse with little beads sewn in and a long skirt. I can remember this because the bandleader said I looked a librarian.  He didn’t mean that in a good way. Personally, I think being well-read is sexy. ;)

Also I had a degree in Classical piano which is not the easiest transition to make, and while I was capable it felt like walking a tightrope without a net. I was fired after one gig. A few months after that, I found myself in a band that fit me better and allowed me a lot of space to grow very quickly. There are photographs of me wearing black tights with holes in them and other cute, rad stage wear. Looking back, it’s clear to me that I also used my indignation to find the strength to sing at the audition, something I was completely uncomfortable doing!  

A couple years after that I was hired to play keys backing up Martha Reeves for one night.  The rehearsal was unhelpful and I felt completely inept.  Then there’s the time a booking agent told me I would never make it as a singer after I had accidentally downloaded a sequence in the wrong key and had (I thought) valiantly finished the song.  Another time, I completely forgot the words when a drummer who booked bands to go to Japan walked into the room where I was singing. He ended up hiring me and I worked there for four and a half months before moving to Nashville.  Soon after arriving here, I was hired by a band that worked six nights a week, which changed my life massively for the better. 

That’s why my ears perked up when Tyson relayed his defining moment. He took responsibility for the part that was his and overcame it by using it as a guide and as fuel. The point is, by boldly claiming our losses we gain the energy to release their power over us. 

Furthermore, when Tyson talked about losing a gig to some of his Loud Jamz friends, they empathized and shared their own loss experiences. We are not alone in our battle scars and more importantly, we are not alone in making them defining moments because we are still standing. Lost gigs are clarifying, making it plain what matters most. When we are forced to metaphorically lick our wounds, our hearts become involved, giving us momentum to persevere. We can hone our gifts and aim ourselves in even better directions for ourselves. 

I’m much better at judging whether a gig is right for me these days.  Also I’m much better at practicing and learning.  I can weigh whether something is worth the time, or if my heart is in it. If we have done our best and given all we can, and a gig still doesn’t work out we must trust that we are being prepared for something even better around the corner.  Thanks Tyson, for reminding me.